Lately for some reason I've been thinking about my own personal relationships through my life, how these changed with time and how much they were effected by the culture of the place.
My first experiences came from Gozo, in Għarb and San Lawrenz where my parents lived for many years. Villages there are very small, and generally people know everybody's families intimately, not only the inhabitants of their street but of the whole village and beyond. There, families are raised, live and grow together, and I felt the sense of community was (maybe still is) very strong. The primary interest, at least in the past, in the village patron saint and the official feast used to nurture the community.
An places having two patron saints, well these have two communities, but anyway!
All this proximity has its disadvantages as well, as gossip about him and her wouldn't stop, with any gaps in the story being creatively filled, with reputations torn to shreds overnight!
When I got older a bit, I realised that the experience of the location we were living in, Paola which is a bigger town in Malta, was different. We used to know our surrounding families and a few others further afield, but that was it. I felt we weren't that close to each other, even if we used to attend formal events, such as some friends' birthdays. News about local inhabitants were not that present, probably also due to us not being originally from there.
Upon getting married and living in Żejtun, my experience was rather similar to that of Paola.
Coming to Australia, my experience was completely different. Here in Sydney with its 5 million inhabitants, we knew next to no one and it remained that way for years. Our neighbours don't walk much from their home or meet for common activities, so the opportunity to get to know someone from your street are limited. At work you make some friends, however also realise there are many cultures, and its easy to be misunderstood, or to misunderstand someone. For those who are immigrants, this is one obstacle you wouldn't expect on arrival, especially if thinking that your education and knowledge of the English language should smooth your way.
I still feel strange walking on the street, knowing no one and known by no one, coming face to face with so many people with an 'indifferent look, a cold heart and in a hurry', as recited in a prayer I remember from the Santa Luċija church in Malta so many years ago.
I have to say, I started feeling a bit more comfortable reaching out to the Maltese community in Sydney. Not only could I talk in Maltese (with those who hadn't switched to English) but the fact of having a common root, even shared memories, make you feel better able to be understood, even if everyone is still a stranger and has his/her own life, living far from each other, generally meeting only in some club or cultural activity.
Then some years ago, we went on a long tour of Australia, where we were even weeks away from urban centres, sometimes in really remote places, and something happened I wasn't expecting.
We used to be driving on a road, and the few drivers we met used to signal us in greeting as they were passing. If stopped on the side of the road, the single vehicles driving pass would slow or stop and ask us if we needed anything. And if we did need something, they would stop and stay there to help.
We realised that the more remote you are, the more the few people happening to be there realise they need each other, feel they need to help each other and that they can share their stories, and resources, with each other, even if they had never met before. Time is given generously, no holding back.
I can say that in my hour of need, I did find help, both useful and timely, help for which one would say 'thank God' in situations that seemed difficult at the time. These people were not Maltese, but Australians coming from around the continent.
Another time we were in Adelaide. Now this is a city, not a small town, with more than a million inhabitants. Here you would expect the same impersonal attitude found in the major cities. Nevertheless, we were surprised sometimes to be stationary on a pavement deciding where to go or how to get there, and being approached by people we didn't know and asking us if we needed any help.
I can say that in my 11 years in Sydney, this has never happened once.
Therefore I conclude that man's social and civic sense does not depend on whether one is Maltese, Australian or Russian, whether he's Christian, Buddhist or atheist. It depends upon the realisation that we are all swimming in the same ocean, bobbing up and down in little boats roughly the same size, that today or tomorrow my boat will spring a leak, and it's a win-win situation if everyone cooperates.
On the other hand, when there are gazillions of boats, quite a few of which are made with advanced technology that gives a sense of safety 'guarantee' to their rich owners, these might feel that they don't need anyone or anybody, and so this social and civic sense gradually crumbles and withers away, disappearing like light snow in the sun.
I ask, where is the real wealth?
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Dan l-aħħar għal xi raġuni qgħadtn naħseb fuq l-esperjenza ta' relazzjonijiet personali li kelli matul ħajti, kif dawn imbidlu maż-żmien u kemm kienu affettwati mill-kultura tal-post.
L-ewwel esperjenzi tiegħi ġew minn Għawdex, fl-Għarb u San Lawrenz minn fejn għexu għal ħafna snin il-ġenituri tiegħi. L-irħula hemmhekk huma żgħar ħafna, u n-nies ikunu jafu sew ir-razza u r-radika kollha, mhux biss tan-nies tat-triq tagħhom, imma tar-raħal kollu u lil'hinn minnu. Hemmhekk il-familji jitrabbew, jgħixu u jikbru flimkien, u s-sens ta' komunità kont inħossha (forsi għadha) qawwija ħafna. L-interess ewlieni, talinqas fil-passat, fil-qaddis/a tar-raħal u l-festa titulari kienu jrawwmu din il-komunità.
U f'postijiet fejn kienikun hemm żewġ qaddisin, kien ikun hemm żewġ komunitajiet, imma insomma!
Dik il-qrubija kollha għandha l-iżvantaġġi tagħha wkoll, għax iz-zekzik tan-nies fuq dak u fuq l-oħra ma kien jaqta' xejn, u fejn ma nafux inżewqu xi ftit, u dlonk ir-reputazzjonijiet isiru trietaq!
Meta kbirt ftit, bdejn nirrealizza li l-esperjenza fejn konna noqogħdu f'Malta, f'Raħal Ġdid li huwa daqsxejn ikbar f'Malta, kienet differenti. Konna nafu l-familji li joqogħdu madwarna u xi oħrajn ftit iktar imbiegħdin, imma daqshekk. Kont inħoss li m'aħniex daqshekk qrib ta' xulxin, anke jekk konna nattendu għal xi attivajiet formali, bħal għeluq snin ta' xi ħbieb. L-aħbarijiet fuq in-nies tal-post kienu inqas fuq fomm kulħadd, mhux l-inqas probabbilment għax fil-fatt ma konniex tal-post.
Meta żżewwiġt u morna noqogħdu fiż-Żejtun, l-esperjenza tiegħi kienet pjuttost simili għal dik ta' Raħal Ġdid.
Meta ġejna l-Awstralja, l-esperjenza kienet kompletament differenti. Hawnhekk, f'Sydney li fiha 5 miljun ruħ, ma konna nafu kważi lil ħadd u domna hekk għal snin. In-nies ta' fejn noqogħdu ma tantx jimxu fit-triq mid-dar tagħhom jew jiltaqgħu għal attivitajiet komuni, għalhekk l-opportunità li ssir taf lil xi ħadd mit-triq tiegħek hija limitata. Fuq ix-xogħol tagħmel xi ħbieb, imma tinduna wkoll li hawn ħafna kulturi differenti, u huwa faċli li tinftiehem ħażin, jew li tifhem lil ħaddieħor ħażin. Għal min hu immigrant, dan huwa ostaklu li wieħed forsi ma jistennix meta jiġi, speċjalment meta wieħed jaħseb li bl-edukazzjoni u bit-tagħrif tal-lingwa Ingliża għandek tkampa.
Għadni nħossni stramb ħafna, nimxi fit-triq, ma naf lil ħadd u ma jafni ħadd, tħabbat wiċċek ma tant nies imma kulħadd 'b'ħarsa indifferenti, bil-qalb magħluqa u bil-pass imgħaġġel', bħal talba li kont ngħid waqt il-quddies f'Santa Luċija ta' Malta tant snin ilu.
Ngħid għalija, erġajt bdejt inħossni ftit komdu kif ersaqt lejn il-komunità Maltija ta' Sydney. Mhux biss li tista' titkellem bil-Malti (ma' min ma qalibx għall-Ingliż) imma dik il-ħaġa li hemm għerq komuni, anke memorji komuni, tħoss li huwa iktar faċli tinftiehem, anke jekk kulħadd huwa stranġier u għandu l-ħajja tiegħu, u jgħixu sparpaljati, jiltaqgħu ġeneralment f'xi klabb jew għal xi attività.
Imbagħad ftit snin ilu, għamilna ġita twila madwar l-Awstralja, fejn konna anke ġimgħat 'il bogħod miċ-ċentri urbani, fid-diżabitat toqtol u tidfen, u ġrat xi ħaġa li ma konniex qiegħdin nistennew.
Inkunu qed insuqu fit-triq, u l-ftit sewwieqa li tiltaqa' magħhom isellmulna. Inkunu weqfin mat-triq, u jieqfu vetturi waħdiena li jkunu għaddejjin biex jistaqsuna jekk għandniex bżonn xi ħaġa. U jekk verament ikollna bżonn xi ħaġa, jibqgħu hemmhekk biex jagħtuk daqqa t'id.
Indunajna li iktar ma tkun fid-diżabitat, iktar il-ftit nies li jibqgħu jindunaw li għandhom bżonn lil xulxin, u iktar iħossu li wieħed għandu jgħin lill-ieħor, iktar iħoss li jista' jaqsam l-istorja tiegħu, u l-mezzi tiegħu, ma' ħaddieħor, anke jekk ma jafux minn Adam. U l-ħin jingħata b'ġenerożità, u mhux bit-tqanċiċ.
Nista' ngħid li meta ġejt bżonn, sibt għajnuna siewja f'waqtha, għajnuna li għaliha wieħed jgħid 'imn'Alla', f'sitwazzjonijiet li dak il-ħin dehru diffiċli. Dawn in-nies mhux Maltin kienu, imma Awstraljani ġejjin minn madwar il-kontinent.
Darb'oħra għamilna xi ġranet f'Adelaide. Issa din hija belt, mhux raħal żgħir, b'iktar minn miljun ruħ. Għawnhekk, wieħed jistenna l-istess attitudni impersonali li ssib fil-bliet il-kbar. Madankollu, bqajna sorpriżi li kultant inkunu weqfin fuq xi bankina qegħdin niddeċiedu minn fejn se ngħaddu jew fejn se mmorru, u javviċinawna nies li ma nafuhomx u jistaqsuna jekk għandniex bżonn xi ħaġa. Nista ngħid li fi ħdax -il sena f'Sydney, din il-ħaġa qatt ma ġratilna.
Għalhekk, jien nikkonkludi li s-sens soċjali u ċivika tal-bniedem ma tiddependix minn jekk hux Malti, Awstraljan jew Russu, jew jekk hux Nisrani, Buddist jew ateu. Tiddependi mill-għarfien li aħna lkoll qiegħdin naqdfu fl-istess oċean f'dgħajjes żgħar bejn wieħed u ieħor indaqs, li llum il-waħda u l-għada l-oħra se jkollha l-ħsara, li hu tajjeb għal kulħadd li kulħadd jikkoopera flimkien.
Mill-banda l-oħra, meta jkun hemm viżibilju ta' dgħajjes, li ħafna minnhom huma magħmula b'teknoloġija avvanzata li tagħti sens ta 'garanzija' ta' siġurtà lis-sidien sinjuri tagħhom, dawn għandhom mnejn iħossu li m'għandhom bżonn lil xejn u lil ħadd, allura dan is-sens soċjali u ċiviku jikkrolla għal kollox, jgħib qisu borra ħafifa fix-xemx.
Jien nistaqsi, fejn tassew tinsab l-għana li tgħodd?
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